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The Silent Cry

This is a story for one that may be suffering or maybe someone that knows someone suffering. A story that needs awareness. A story that many don’t like to face. A story that I hope will be a light for others.
You see it’s a word, a feeling, a struggle that no ones wants to talk about. You put it on the back burner because you think that maybe, just maybe it will just go away. You fell lost, alone and crying out to God because you just don’t know why you feel the way you do. It hurts, you feel as if someone ripped you in pieces, you feel defeated and pretty much not even liking who you have become.
It’s that word…. depression.
I have seen it first hand being a Doula, I have seen it within my family. But did I ever think I could have ever feel that way… umm nope.
So many think with raising a large family that we have it all together. The fact is we ALL have struggles whether big or small ones, financial, mental or anything in between.
Sometimes the situation rises so much more then what we can bare.
I thought about what has happened in my life that after so many children something was completely different.
I had lost a pregnancy at 14 weeks (which my book will be out soon) I then had another miscarriage due to a blighted ovum a few months later and then I had a beautiful baby boy that has had intense food allergies that has been very stressful. I felt like I was walking on eggs shells and I wanted the day to just become the next.
Depression is so real and I believe the devil tries so hard to lure us in that direction and come to a dark place.
I felt like I was sinking to the point of just not knowing how to handle myself. So much had been taken away from not only me but my family. I felt like I just didn’t function to my full ability. I would be lying if I said that everything was fine.
You see many wont talk about it and deal with it themselves. But I knew I needed to get better but didn’t want medication. I never went to a doctor but I’d tons of research on my own.
I changed my eating habits especially for my baby as I was breastfeeding and still am. I found out that if I didn’t heal my gut I was never going to get better so I take amazing supplements. I was tired of hearing myself get angry and frustrated all the time. My kids probably didn’t know what happened to their mom and my poor husband, what a trooper. But praying to God daily and asking him to restore me and make me whole again was all I wanted. I wanted to be that “super mom” that people thought that I was. I felt like I had lost that title. It was hard and now I can relate to those that deal with this in so many different ways. But God.. He knew my heart, He knew that I didn’t want to feel the way that I did, and He knew that I needed to break free of that. I kept pushing on and praying for something good. Not a miracle but something good. And you know what…. He listens! I am so much better!
Never in a million years would I think that I would have felt so down. And…. no one knew. I kept my cry silent for months. I didn’t share with anyone and as a matter of fact I just said something to my husband recently that I know that’s what I was going through but didn’t want to admit it. People have no idea what that next person may be going through so don’t just assume they are ok.
My feeling with this is I hope that I can reach someone’s heart and let them know that yes you will get better but take the steps to get there. Eat more healthy and get your gut health in check with plant based supplements and NOT ones from the drug store. I stumbled across this amazing product while searching for hope. I knew that something had to be out there to help me. And there it was right in front of me! I can help you with that. I hate to see people suffering because now I know the pain. Trust God that he is the answer to prayer.
Don’t let the devil win!!! Stand firm and let him know that Jesus is your almighty savior.
So since this is Thanksgiving week I come to Him with thanksgiving and praise that we all can overcome anything.
My prayer to anyone suffering depression is that you will get through and heal yourself from the inside out.

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