Things of Me

So this post is something a little bit different.

I wanted to write about my hobbies and why I have them. So most know me as the Mom of many children right? Well, I also like to have some me time. I believe everyone should have hobbies and one that everyone knows is that I love to write.

I have such a better way of expressing myself through writing and getting my thoughts out of my mind so much better then talking. It’s been such a way of almost therapy for me. I think of something and then I just go with it.

To say that I am back is kind of not really where my mind is. We’ve been through a heck of a lot in the past 6 years to say the least. So many people have said that I need to be vulnerable and get back out there. I have to say unless you’re in someone else’s shoes, it’s so much easier said then done. Never in a million years did I ever think that I would find my Prince Charming at the innocent age of just 16, fall in love, get married and have this huge crew to love. Ya somedays are completely tough but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Life seems pretty on the outside sometimes but inside it can be pretty crushed. Social media has a funny way of making feel like we can only put good things out there, but people need to know the bad so that they can relate alongside of you.

With our oldest son just passing away in August, there were so many promises that I had made to him before that I will hold true to. I just feel like if I sit around in self pity then I will just wither away like a flower that hasn’t had water. I need just that one little piece of me to get back to where I was. I know that I will and my family will never be the same again but for Hayden I will do what he knew me for. He always said my husband and I were his biggest inspirations so how can I let him down?

So here I am writing again, decorating again, taking photos again and trying so hard to be the Mom and wife that I have been instructed to be. Missing him like crazy is just an understatement but our new reality that we have to face.

So…. next on the agenda is to start our family VLOG!!!

Stay tuned for some things coming……

Nothing Is Permanent

As the clock ticks and the ocean waves come there’s so much that goes on in the world. Time is of the essence and after a while it doesn’t even matter what time of day it really is or what month we are in. Good things and bad things and so many things that you may not even be aware of.

You will never understand what someone is going through. We all have a unique story and our story is our special path that God has chosen for us to be on.

The person sitting next to you in the doctor’s office waiting for results or the person that is in front of you at the market, the little boy at the park with his mother or the teenager that is listening to her music so loudly and you thinking that it just may be rude. The older gentleman that gets so angry that you are going the wrong way in the grocery store aisle or the gentleman that is just asking for your opinion in the store about what furniture to choose. The mother crying sitting on a park bench or the Dad sitting in his car all alone.

No matter who you run into in life everyone has a story to be told. You can’t get mad at the person in the doctor’s office for being called in before you because maybe the are waiting for a test to say whether they have a certain time to live.

You can’t be angry for the bitter old lady at the market that is miserable because maybe she just lost someone very close to her.

You shouldn’t be mad at the little boy at the park with his mother that just said something so vulgar because maybe he doesn’t know any better then what he has been taught or maybe that mother needs to just get out of her home because her son has a disability and has no one that really supports her.

You can’t get mad at the teenage girl that has her music so loud. Maybe that’s just her coping mechanism because she lives with parents who are alcoholics or drug addicts.

Don’t be mad at the older gentleman that has gotten so ticked off that you went down the wrong aisle at the grocery store. After all this is how we are being programmed to live now a days.

The gentleman at the store asking for your opinion. Well he’s just lonely because he just lost his wife and wants to stay occupied and still make his home feel somewhat “home”.

Oh and the mother crying on a park bench who might not know how she is going to feed her children dinner after school because she just lost her job.

The dad sitting in his car alone. Don’t assume he is up to no good. Maybe he is battling depression. Something so deep that he just doesn’t know how to escape from.

You see all these examples are examples of things that are just temporary. Whether it’s a feeling or something that may happen.

Somethings we have control of much more then others but somethings are out of our control. In a crazy world like the one we live in we should be kind and be asking if someone needs us. We have all been just getting further and further away from who we once were. Caring and compassionate humans.

We help other countries but why are we not helping people right in front of our faces? Why do we have to be so cruel.

Unfortunately I have learned through the years that nothing is permanent and can be taken away in the matter of a moment.

Unless you are living the life of others you have no idea what someone may be going through.

Be kind and compassionate. Half of these stories I have actually encountered. And after losing our oldest son just 2 months ago… I try to have such a heart for others.

It’s all from the inside

Hey everyone! I know that you’re probably wondering what is this title to this blog post all about right? Well, I wanted to get out there what I have been really thinking about and hearing about what others have been chatting with me about. So ….here goes. Ok.. have you ever wondered why people just can’t take credit for their own actions? What about others just constantly blaming others for something that clearly was their fault but they just don’t want to admit it? Why is it so hard for people to fess up and just take what is theirs? Geez!!Anyway have you ever been in the passenger side of a vehicle and the person that is driving is clearly not paying attention and being so distracted about what is around them? Then you say or maybe even yell at them and they start to blame the other person in front of them for stopping short and they have to put the brakes to the floor. What about when you can’t find something in the house and nobody wants to or remembers where they put it, so they have to blame someone. (ya, happens in our house all the time)! Oh this is a good one.. who has a Mr. Nobody who lives at your house? Oh.. we most certainly do! Never knew I had an extra kid in the house, not that I would probably notice anyway..LOL! Well, I am gonna get real for a moment here. Lately in our house things can be a little crazy (ok…maybe a lot of the time) but I realize if one little stumbling block gets in the way everything seems to go insane! We all experience something some time in our lives whether it’s something big or something that is just a little bit annoying right? We all go through things in life that we don’t think belong in “our story”. Some may experience something like a financial struggle and you don’t know how to overcome it. Maybe you’ve experienced something within your family that you just are not sure how to deal with it. Maybe you feel like you are just not the person, wife, mother, or friend that you want to be. Listen up… we all have flaws for sure and if we didn’t, then life would be a little less interesting. I know for me sometimes when I think I have had a bad day because the kids are misbehaving or just things aren’t going my way you just want to throw your hands up and walk away from it all.

It’s not that easy. You see this life that is yours you are creating. All the good things and all the bad decisions that have got the best of us stays with us for a while. Sometimes life just seems a little unfair but when life is tough there is a reason and we can look back and realize that annoying and daunting thing molds us into the person we are.